2020 was a year that was set equally upon each one of us. We all were given an equal opportunity to reset ourselves. We all had to fight our demons or face them none the least.
Most people had to face – being by themselves. Everyone was getting health conscious, money conscious, food conscious, storage conscious and basically a lot of awareness was sinking in humans.
I, for once, thought a lot about wastage. I was wasting less, using how much was required. I realized I need much less than I thought I need and lesser than I already have. That was a great realization.
I was one of those who still woke up early morning and saw the sunrise (or almost) and made it a practice to sleep by 10 pm or around. It wasn’t awkward for me at all. I do awkward things which are totally normal as per my standards. This is one of them.
I was watchful of how much I was eating. I started teaching home workouts and taking Yoga classes for people. That was a first for me in so many years, in spite of having a background in yoga and fitness.
Staying away from negative thoughts and negativity help me the most. That also means that I lost touch with people who had nothing positive or productive to say and do. It was difficult. It was difficult to not slip into conversations with friends who would repeat COVID stories all the time.
Many people preached how COVID has shut everything down and now is the time to take the journey inward. None, that I know, practiced it. Or maybe 1 or 2 did to look good on social media. Today 1 year after Lockdown I see them back to what they were. No judgements. But it’s a pity. Isn’t it?
I learnt it the hard way that the one person who I should always keep happy is myself. And I strive each day to something that I like to do and I do it with all my heart.
I finished my graduation in Health coaching in past 1 year, and studied virtually through out.
I learnt to break things down in parts so make them achievable. And sometimes achievement feels good, motivates one self.
If you are reading this, then I’d like to thank you with all my heart, and tell you that you can reach out to me if you’d like. I will do my best to give you confidence and build small practices that’ll help you evolve from where you are at.
Here are my top 10’s from last year:
Energy flows where attention goes. Think well.
Words have a lot of power, speak well about yourself when you do.
Practice new habits, do not underestimate power of starting small.
Your story is your story, not other persons story, so don’t judge them.
Believe. Have faith and trust. We all lack this simple quality.
Nothing happens without any reason. When the time is bad, let it pass quietly and be patient and strong.
If there is sunshine, there is a reason to feel hopeful.
Breathe. This simple process has tremendous power.
Eat well, eat simple, think bright & find happiness – these are hand-in-glove!
The trek from Darchen, which is the starting point, to Kailash is 14 kms long and goes to an altitude of 17000 feet. There are 4 points during this walk with an ascend and at that altitude it is no Childs play. Staying hydrated through out is essential. What I experienced through out this trek was a magnetic pull from the centre of my chest to some place i don’t know where it ends. It was nearly like there is rope hooked inside my chest and someone is pulling me with it and I have no idea where the other end of the rope is. It is cold when you walk up. I was dressed in layers of clothing and a down jacket with my ears and face properly covered through out so that the wind doesn’t get inside. There are only two public toilets on the way and it was really difficult to use it. Really.
My first stop was after 9 kms. That is where I took some rest and ate some biscuits. I was sipping on water almost throughout the trek. I tried to record a few videos for memory sake and to show my family where I had been and how wonderful it is. I could barely talk and walk together. Almost everyone on the way was either chanting ‘Shiv Shambho’ or encouraging others to walk who would stop and put their head down. Last 6 kms were not easy for me either. I got the view of Kailash exactly after half way up the trek. I bursted in tears followed by a loud laughter. This happened more than once. Needless to say, it was beyond my control, and I wanted to give in and not manoeuvre it. I was thanking every situation and everyone that has made me. I remember it felt like I was born to be here and that every situation I have faced has led me to this and how wonderful it is to finally feel blissful in a way I never imagined existed.
When I reached the top at the end of our trek, I looked around, I saw Kailash in a different way, like I was seeing it through someone else’s eyes. It was surreal. I entered the tent and sat down. Removed the top layer and uncovered my head and I got a total blackout in front of my eyes. I fainted and for few seconds I don’t know what happened. I remember when I tried to open my eyes I was given some water and everything that I saw was spinning. I closed my eyes in fear and started crying. I thought my headache has returned and I just did not want it to come back, EVER! Fellow participants of this trek, Saurabh and Supriya gave me some assurance that its okay and that they felt the same and gave me a lot of warm water with honey and told me to sip on it till I feel better. It took about 45 minutes for me to feel better, and after that I was totally normal. Ah! that teaser of seeing everything spin like inside of a washing machine was terrifying. Thankfully it did not last too long. I was a happy girl once again.
I waited for Sharmili, my batch mate to arrive and then we took some pictures of each other. We almost got to see the peak of Kailash. Clouds moved and we saw the top of Kailash and we froze! We both laughed after that and continued taking pictures and sitting with our eyes closed. Uma reached up a bit late, but thankfully she looked okay.
We were stationed there for next 2 days. It was the day after the full moon and Kailash looked gorgeous in moon light. Absolutely mesmerising & delightful. I saw three seasons in 5 hours, from rains to cold wind to bright sunlight. That night we slept in rather difficult condition but from the moment i fell on the bed to the time I opened my eyes it felt like rebirth. I truly woke up as someone else. I was so energetic the next day, happy like a baby & was ready to see what the day holds. We were initiated into Kailash that day, a meditation by Sadhguru. It was unbelievable. I saw my mother’s face in Kailash and it was scary, I closed and opened my eyes couple of times to not to see her face in Kailash. After the meditation we got back to the tent. We spent the rest of the day looking at the beauty, taking pictures and I spent my time writing how my past few days were. I cleared a lot of baggage and made space for newness. I felt light and happy, as if I shredded the dead part of me right there. Next day the descend was pretty amazing too. It was a long way down. Staying two nights at the top was not enough but we had to continue with the journey. We came back to Darchen, the buss drove us back to Mansarovar and we were absolutely thrilled to finish the trek successfully. We had a round of meditation at the banks of Lake Mansarovar and it was so thrilling. I took a bath in cold water (Isha dedicated a tent) at zero degrees and it felt amazing. That was the first bath in 4 days. I thought of so many family members while sitting there. My grandparents from my fathers side, his brother’s (my uncles) whom we lost while I was growing up, I took all there names and thanked them for loving me so much, for blessing me even thou I have never seen my grand parents from my fathers side since my father lost them early in life. I felt like as if their blessings are with me at that moment. Maybe, it is always with me but there was so much I realised by sitting there.
Next day we sat in our busses and came down to Saga. By now we stopped taking the altitude sickness medicine and started our descending journey. We stayed the night at Saga and the night after that a little before China- Nepal border. Next day we were driven down to the border, we cleared our immigration and once again the Chinese officer wanted to know if the year of birth written on my passport was a real one or a fake one. Our tour guide helped me translate Chinese to English and he told me that the immigration officer thinks there is a mistake in my passport and the immigration officer thinks I look 10 years younger than the year of birth on my passport! We laughed & the journey ended on such a light note. I am so thankful to every officer at China and Nepal. We crossed the border by walking into Nepal and that was another unbelievable moment! After sometime a helicopter was arranged to bring us back to Kathmandu from Nepal border.
That night at Kathmandu we all sat together, sang songs, ate pizza & laughed like a giant family. Next day we flew back to our country from Nepal & I remember having the most amazing plane ride with Vikramjit & Kavita. They were so nice to me, we talked and I cried and I was still floating in Kailash. I landed back to Mumbai and was happy to meet my husband, my parents and I realised I wasn’t ready to meet anyone else, not ready to use my mobile phone or reply to whats app messages because something was not the same. I believe i left my heart at Kailash.
It was truly a life changing experience for me. My husband, even today, says that it has changed me so much. I hope one day you get to go there too and have your very own wonderful experience.
… Uma and I arrived at Kathmandu by air on Aug 7th which was one day prior to the arrival of the entire batch. we were going to be 70 people on this journey. The pick up person from the hotel had come to get us and told us that someone else from South of India is arriving in 45 minutes so we will wait for him and go back to the hotel together. Uma and I quickly started taking photos at the airport of mesmerising mountains on that sunny afternoon. We then left for the hotel with the third person with us who introduced himself as our team doctor, Dr. Vishnu Ram. Uma was rather happy to meet him and quickly started asking him for some tips! Dr. Vishnu told us this is his third consecutive year to Kailash and second one as team doctor. He asked us if we would like to volunteer in medical team for the rest of the journey and we readily agreed.
By next afternoon, 8th August, people started coming in large numbers and we could see the lobby fill with 70 odd participants. Uma and I were doing the medical screening for participants as they were arriving and that was the first time we met rest of the participants. Some people thought I was the doctor and most people were confused how was I the doctor? I immediately told them all that I am volunteering in medical and Dr. Vishnu is the real doctor. No one was satisfied to see such a young looking girl as the team doctor. And truth be told, I wasn’t prepared too.
We were to depart Kathmandu on Aug 9th but we got to know that the flight has been cancelled for Lhasa due to bad weather conditions there. So we went sight seeing in Kathmandu that day. On 10th August we were again ready to depart at 8am and we were once again informed that we cannot leave for Lhasa yet because the airline cannot accommodate our batch since they have only one flight that operates in the entire day and in all just 2 airlines that fly from Kathmandu to Lhasa. So by evening plans were being made to take us to China by road and I wasn’t really happy because I get travel sickness easily on roads with many bends and specially if I see a valley then nothing can stop it. The entire batch was extremely sad and our moral was really down and I almost thought that on next day we will be told to get back to our cities and the Yatra has been cancelled.
So that evening, to calm us down, his grace Sadhguru came to Kathmandu to address our group and assured that the Yatra will happen, just put your heart in Kailash and we will go to bring it back. Being in his presence was no less than a dream come true. Our spirits were lifted and the next morning came with the fantastic news of us flying to Lhasa and taking this journey ahead.
For the entire time, since the day we met and to the day our pilgrimage ended our routine was set like this. Wake up call at 4:30am. Packed duffle bags to be kept outside the room at 5am. Meditation from 5:15 to 6:15 am. Breakfast from 6:30 to 7:30am and 8am departure for next destination. We followed it in union and the energy that was created was beyond imagination.
We reached the beautiful city of Lhasa on Aug 11th. Lhasa is now part of China. We stayed the night at the hotel which was very big and comfortable. The food provided to us from that day onwards was made to support us physically through out the journey. The next day started at 4:30am and the temperature in Lhasa was round 15 degrees C. That day we visited a temple and saw the birth place of Dalai Lama. By now I knew I was on a journey of my life. I knew something was going to change. I knew I was going to become from Simran 2.0 to Simran 2.1. One can feel it as soon as they put both their feet on that soil. Its magic. Pure magic.
On 13th August we were to move ahead in our journey to Xigaze. Xigaze was at a higher altitude than Lhasa and we had to stop at these places for 2 nights to acclimatise. We were to take this travel by bus but due shortage of time, since we lost 2 days in Kathmandu, our group was directed to take this travel by train. We reached the railway station in Lhasa after lunch and left for Xigaze and reached in 4 hours with a view to remember. We stayed in Xigaze only for a night and set out for Saga the next day. That was the first day we travelled by road. The scenery on both sides of the bus was breathtaking. I could see snow peaks in the front and sides, sand dunes in closer distance and sun brightly shining. The wind was cold. It was a perfect sunny day in winter. The roads are beautifully made and nature has everything just perfect for eyes to see. We reached Saga that evening at 7pm and headed straight to get our hot drinks.
We were warned, before leaving our bus, to be careful of not removing our phones out to take pictures on streets because Saga is governed by the military. We will not only lose our cellphones but also might not be allowed to travel further. And the most important announcement followed with it, which was, that we take baby steps here to walk to our rooms and even later as the altitude is higher than our next stop which was going to be Lake Mansarovar. So no running and no climbing the stairs fast. But by then many people had already started to complain of headaches and dizziness.
The next day we set out our journey for Lake Mansarovar. Lake Mansarovar is place of pilgrimage and holds importance in many cultures . Bathing in Manasarovar and drinking its water is believed by Hindus to cleanse all sins. Even in Buddhist literature it is associated with many teachings and stories. Buddha, it is reported, stayed and meditated near this lake on several occasions. Lake Manasarovar is also the subject of the meditative Tibetan tradition, “The Jewel of Tibet”. As per Jain scriptures, the first Tirthankar, Bhagwan Rushabhdev, had attained nirvana on the Ashtapad Mountain. Lake Mansarovar lies at 15,000 ft from sea level and is largest fresh water lake. It is also the source of some lakes that flow in India.
When I first saw the lake, I couldn’t believe my eyes. We were told to not touch the water or go near the lake. The lake has a heart to hold billions of births. I felt as tiny as a grain of sand and insignificant. I was just sitting there, looking the at the vastness of the lake and I couldn’t even look at it continuously. I felt like the lake was talking to me. It was telling me to look within and see how I’ve been. I felt like I was not ready to touch the water of lake Mansarovar.
That night we stayed at the a dorm which was little away from lake Mansarovar. That day also I realised that something has touched me in a different way. When you don’t know people around you, you tend to know yourself so much better and at places like these. I now understand why. The soil, the wind, the sun light and the very existence of oneself at these places bring a considerable amount of consciousness within. You look at yourself deeper, naturally. I could feel skin deep and the blood running in my body at times. It was this time that I literally started to shut my mouth and just feel what was going on. I wish and pray that everyone gets a chance to go there and feel something like this, better and beyond.
That night I slept with 5 people in my room and I slept like I belonged there. I don’t remember if I have sleep so well in any luxurious hotel room. I remember closing my eyes and feeling love at the drop my eye lashes and in the union of my eye lids. Mansarovar is that place. It will put you in place and if you are a conscious human being, it will come talk to you, unfold many things and lift a veil from whats going to happen.
The next day we went to this place called Darchen. Darchen is the starting point valley. It is the very base of the trek to mount Kailash…
In march of 2019 I came across the pop up on Isha foundation website about the Kailash Mansarovar Yatra. I had heard so much about it from my friend who went there 2 decades ago. He said it is in one end of the world with almost no resource and how difficult the entire trip was. I asked him, “why did you go there?” I still remember his reaction. He had a grin on his face & said, “you don’t know why, until you go there.”
Seeing about the same place on the website now intrigued me and attracted me so much. Few days later in my I.E class I met someone who was in the class because she wanted to be a part of the Pilgrimage to Mount Kailash. I immediately told her that I have been longing to go there too but I doubt my family will understand, firstly because I dont have a company go to with and secondly because none of them have such intentions so I don’t know how they’ll take it! She told me don’t worry ill take your responsibility, if you want to come and it is because of this small thing that you cannot come then tell them I am here with you. It felt unreal that why someone whom I just met moments ago would say this to me.
I came back home that evening and told my husband about it and he said, ok so if you have someone to go with from here then go, I know you’ve been wanting to go there! It again felt like I was living a dream. The next day I went to the class and told her that I will join the journey to mount Kailash. Two things I realised here, 1. that I was one question away from going on this trip. 2. the hell, I was going to Kailash Mansarovar!
Isha foundation has high standards in selecting individuals for this sojourn based on their medical screening. So I took all the medical test including breathing and lung test and sent my reports to Isha doctors. They approved of me & a few days later I received the list of things to carry on this trip and how to pack! It couldn’t have been easier. Thanks Isha foundation, you almost set it for all of us. Next thing was to go shopping for all the necessities, and, that were a lot! Haha! I headed to buy all the things on the list and to my luck, the person helping me at the store buy these things had been on this same trip twice in his life! I couldn’t have asked for a better day! He told me, put the list down, ill exactly give you what you should carry with you.
I came home excited with all the shopping and a wonderful piece of advice from him. He told me start wearing my trekking shoes from next day itself and walk for at least 30 minutes in them to break into them, everyday. He said, you look good to go, I don’t see why would you not be able to take this trip. I smiled. Now I was in no mood to tell him how horrible past 2 months were for me physically and mentally. I almost stopped walking because I was dizzy 24 hours! Something in me had changed already by then. I was in this state of total calm. During my meditation I could almost smell the wind from snow peaks. I would generally end my meditation in tears of gratitude & an ear to ear smile. I was still 1.5 months away from my departure to Kailash Mansarovar Yatra.
As the days started to near, my feelings and emotions started to get so different. I was just waiting to go. Just waiting for 8th August. I couldn’t think of anything else. I was meeting people but inside of me I was still dancing in bliss. How amazing is that? Imagine!
If you spend 2 whole months in blissful feeling imagine how wonderful your day and night would be. And now think of the fact that if the force of going to Kailash is so strong and blissful, how would it actually be to be there? Because my mate from Mumbai was going in Tamil batch no. A11 I selected the same batch as her. Uma assured me that there is no need to worry as all Tamilians speak English, so I wont be lost at all. She, in fact, told me that she wants to go in this batch so she could get her favourite food Rasam and Rice and she wouldn’t have to worry about what food they were going to serve us. As the days were nearing, I was going even more crazy with the whole thought of going to Kailash. I did not want to know from anyone who had been there recently about what to carry, what happens when you gradually go to an altitude of 17500 feet. I wanted this one to be my own experience. And it turned out even more fantastic than I had ever thought.
I was 12-13 years old when my parents got me and my brother a new computer (honestly it was all mine, since my brother had started sailing by then). A grey colour Dell machine with a CPU and speakers. This kind of a big computer isn’t seen a lot these days. The internet at that time was connected through the phone line and while connecting the modem made sounds like a bad Oprah singer.
It was fascinating for me to connect to the internet and see that green ball linked to two computers which meant, YOU’RE CONNECTED! What a great feeling that was. I loved yahoo chat a lot. It was the place to chat with people! My first time must have gone something like this :
Boy: Hi.
Snickers2005: Hi.
Boy: A/S/L?
Snickers2005 : What’s that?
Boy : Age/Sex/Location?
Snickers2005: Offline.
Little did I know what he meant was, if I was a girl or a boy. In my head, reading SEX was as if he was asking weather i want to have sex or have I had sex? Haha. That was me. I thought babies were born to women after a certain age, like if they were 25 years old they give birth to babies. Yeah, I did not know the process at all! I know what you’re thinking, but that’s Okay. I have no shame in admitting what I was because at least I wasn’t a girl sniffing coke and meeting random guys in my pre-teens or in my teens. But that story is for another day. After I got familiar with chatting online I started to spend 1 to 2 hours meeting people, blocking people, getting blocked by people & exploring weirdness across the globe. How I loved it. Obviously I became a smooth chatter and made a few friends. I loved to know where they were going for vacations and what kind of places they would love travelling to and most importantly what kind of taste they have in music. Destiny’s Child, Madonna or prodigy?
One such time I met Anna. Anna was from Chester, UK. I loved chatting with girls. I always wanted to know where they are from and how is school for them and do they have boyfriend? Have they ever held hands with a guy? I liked to know things from another girls perspective. It always felt nice. If you asked a boy these things then sure you would get blocked in no time. Boys were more into, so tell me what do you look like? The pro me came up with weird answers like, right now I look ok. I just came out an accident and I hurt myself so bad they had to give a few stitches and just in no time… the boy showed offline. So basically i was blocked. Haha. And 1/50 would want to know what happened? And then I would block them! Hahahaha.
Anna and I exchanged our address and we started to write letters to each other. Once in 2-3 months I received a letter from Anna. On one occasion she sent me a picture with her friends taken in the backyard of her house all dressed up for their school disco. Anna looked the prettiest. Yes, we were very fond of each other. I sent her pictures of myself and my dog. She said I looked pretty. Once she wrote to me about how she wished I was her real sister and not Clare and Chloe. And I have no words even now to say how I felt at that time. We exchanged a lot of letters in 4 years, made promises to visit each other. I would visit her in the UK and she would come to India to see me & the Taj Mahal. Then one day the letters stopped. We were around 18 years old when we started to email each other and sent photos of things we did. I told her I was in college then and studying commerce and how much I hated it. Her last email to me was where she mentioned that she is working part time and was earning and that she smoked the last pack of cigarettes she had. By then I knew Anna and my life had grown different. I remember Anna fondly, like how it met her 2 decades ago. I still love her and wish her best.
LYLAS meant Love you like a sister & LUMTAS meant Love you more than a sister.
In 2006 my brother took me to Singapore where he had to attend company seminar for 5 days and asked me to join him. He said, “you can shop and go around in day time and when I am back by 5, then we both go out and explore Singapore!”. I couldn’t believe it. Me going on a vacation with my brother to a foreign country and spending his money buying me clothes, shoes and bags. Wow, it was the best thing! I fell in love with Singapore in just a day. I remember I use to tell Singapore every morning from my hotel room window (which I off course couldn’t open) how much I love walking on the streets, and seeing people do what they were doing.
One evening my brother told me, get ready, we were going out. You me and captain Steve are going out for drinks and dinner. I stopped thinking after hearing Drinks… everything else was blah! That was my first meeting with Capt. Steven, from Ireland. He took us to Long bar and ordered drinks for us. He made me try the Singapore Sling and more drinks after that. That night we chatted so much. I have no idea what we talked about. But I know it must have been something really nice because when we were leaving, he handed me a bag which had a Tall Long bar glass with a stand. He told me, Nicky, this is for you. And I had no clue weather to accept it or not. My brother politely said, Capt. Steve, thank you for your kindness, you didn’t have to do this. Capt. Steve said, No this is for Nicky. She must take it back with her.
I quickly took the bag from his hands, thanked him, hugged him and was smiling like a little baby through out. We took some pictures that night. I think he really liked me, and needless to say, I liked him too. I was a little bit nervous before meeting him because what would Capt. Steve and I have in common, I thought, and what would I talk. I remember I told this to my brother and said, just relax he is a fantastic man and you’ll love him.
I don’t remember much about what we talked about with Capt. Steve on that night but after that he shared his email id with me and we stayed in touch through emails. Whichever ship he sailed on, he mailed me from there and then for next 3 months we exchanged emails before he went home and could access his personal email id. And this went on for some time. He gave me nicest advice in those emails & i usually bored him with my chatter.
How often do we connect with people this way. We get to know them, we love them and they love us. Sometimes they give presents, compliments and forever a lovely memory. I always wonder what was it in me that they liked. I still don’t know. But I know I just loved them, their company, their emails, words etc. I feel so grateful to have met such amazing souls in my life, right from my teens till now. I miss you Anna and captain Steve. I wish the best for you and I hope one day you and I get in touch again. I know that the universe listens and graces us with magic & beyond. Until then, i continue to look for our emails and hope that you are available on your old email id.
I hope you all can think of at least one such person whom you met just like that, and have some memories together. It feels blessed, I know 🙂
I like global initiatives. Because its global, it is talked about everywhere at the same time. I like that the pride month is being celebrated across the world. The month of June was chosen to commemorate the Stonewall riots, which occurred at the end of June 1969.
I see it as celebrating love between people. And if that happens across the globe then, hey! Isn’t that great?
Where I come from, I don’t think there are many people who understand pride month. But that’s okay. What is important is that we understand that people are coming together to celebrate love. And the feeling itself is great!
I am sorry that it took so much time for humanity to come to this level where we lift people and also support in having pride events across the world. People in this world must know that it’s the decision of two individuals to love the way they want to love.
I love to see posts of lovers celebrating and coming out in open about their choices. Life is all about choices and if you do not choose what your heart wants then you are belittling life. And that’s certainly not a happy way to live this beauty called ‘life’. One thing that we are all given in common is life. And what we make of it is based on our choices. So if you choose this, then fantastic. The heart knows what it wants, the mind may intervene but close your eyes and ask yourself, what gives joy? And there you are, with what your heart wants.
I want to congratulate and give a big hug to everyone who have come open during this time to make this month a meaningful one. And even a bigger applause to everyone who made the choice to stand in support, like me!
pic credit @Pride Instagram
If you are yet to confide and come in terms, I wish you all the luck and love. Choose what the heart wants. There is no right or wrong. There is right in the wrong and a way to do everything else.
Here is a short story about a person named Swami who survived because of another person named Nathan.
Swami was hospitalised after an accident and was in need of blood. He had lost a lot of blood and it wasn’t very easy to find his rare blood group type. Swami was a conservative person living a narrow life. When he opened his eyes, after a few days of being in hospital, he read about pride month on his phone. His first reaction was, what has the world come down to? Days after when he was declared fit to get a discharge from the hospital, he asked the nurse, may I know which one of my friends donated blood for me? The nurse said I cannot say that but we have had a lot of donor’s this month who were celebrating the pride month by donating blood to save someone’s life.
Who knows that someone’s celebration can be life saving for someone. Be kind. Be open. And be accepting. Because, if not, then its clearly you at the loosing end.
I remember when I was a little girl my parents and specially my brother took extra care of me. They looked out for me a lot and loved me for me. The love was more than mutual could ever be. I looked up to each one of them for they were humble, precise, non-judgemental, loving and had a lot of acceptance for everything. I was bold, always gave them shocks, honest, curious, and comfortable in my skin as far as I remember.
Me and my brother were raised with equality, discipline and lot of love. However, i turned out to being me a lot more. As i mentioned before that being judgmental was never on our minds. My dad said it brings limitations to the vast existence of being. I would ask a lot of questions, sometimes never be interested in what everyone else was doing, and that was fine with them. I was emotional, rarely nervous & spoke my mind on every occasion. Which is why I had a personality that was daring and loved new things. I put things in the past really fast & moved on. This was also house rule, that focus on today and work on a better tomorrow. A tomorrow I thought in my mind would be new anyways and it might bring better things itself. So I pretty much lived in today. To the point that I sometimes did not do my Math homework thinking that lets live today & lets math after this moment. A moment of pure procrastination. I mean it was Math, not drawing.
As I hit my teens I became more curious about what the world looks like, why are there so many countries, why are we so different geographically. If there is only one world then why so many differences? I asked these questions and often got a patient reply & I was often diverted to thinking about the current situation. When my brother was keen on keeping a pet dog at home, we were told that it comes with a lot of responsibilities. Res-ponsi-bility, thats what I knew of that word! However my brother took me through all the discussions he had with our parents and made me understand how we had to do what we had to do if we have a dog in the house. And that made full sense in my tiny head. I was still busy being me, fluttering like a butterfly, growing up each day and making new hairstyles, trying out new lipsticks from my mothers collection & behaving like a total weirdo. A protected girl who grew up with her brother playing in the sand like him and dirtying clothes in the park while being her and sitting on swings in pink and white clothes.
As I went to college their protection towards me increased. They were now seriously looking forward that I updated them with what’s going on in my life, in college and what have I been up to. We often had these discussions at home ever since i can remember. Mom & dad had discussions that I always heard while pretending that I am busy looking out of the window and I liked the way they spoke about things minus my mom getting angry sometimes. But that was her, she was ambitious, hardworking & a good business woman. I took instructions well in the class but did what I wanted to do. I made many friends and always loved different point of views. For me it was colourful to have friends around with their point of view & I loved doing things differently.
When college got over, we all started to work and do serious things in life that were totally unplanned for each one of us and I was still curious to know what happened if I didn’t do what everyone else was doing. I became a model in commercial ad films and ruled the print media briefly. I enjoyed my stint at modelling very much. I still do. However, the only thing that I didn’t know to do was how to please someone falsely. I later realised that it is so important to please people if want to be in good books of some distorted minds where gaps are filled with ego and pride.
I was in pain at this point and often thought that maybe I was wrong all this while. Maybe there are shortcomings in me. I should be more pleasing, and should agree to most of the things even if it was against my values. Honestly I never agreed to what was against my value system. I was classified into various categories like how a piece of plastic is graded according to the nature it possesses. I sulked and became the victim of my own misery. I was suffering on and off. But when reunited with my family & my friends I would be fine. I was told that I have become a criticiser, a non-joyful person and that I am not the same crazy me. I never understood that because I thought that everyone grows after suffering from problems and situations.
I took yoga as way of life and I totally fell for it from day one. Yoga came to me and I did not go after it. I participated in a competition at my gym and won a year free yoga class package. I was over the moon. Sports was my thing and I was an athlete in school & runner there after. I later studied yoga philosophy and I was attracted to its way of living.
After years of misery and suffering i realised the kind of damage it had done to my mind. In February’2019 I fell sick and was diagnosed with a viral of the brain. I was in pretty bad shape. I was told not to workout, no walks, no running, no swimming, no life basically. One day my physiotherapist sent me a text asking how I was doing with my injury. She helps me become better at what I do. I booked a visit with her and I just wanted to meet her and tell her that how I wasn’t doing anything at all because of the problem and how unstable & giddy I feel all the time. She heard me out and suggested I try a session of Access bars with her and see how it makes me feel. That was the best decision I took because after she ran my bars I was my 2.0 upgrade version.
I decided that how I don’t want to focus on pessimism and look forward to each moment with zeal & acceptance. I communicated to the universe so much and saw quick manifestations and I still am blown away every second. I am grateful to her to open a door for me, which was in me & had so much to offer. My entire focus in life shifted to what is, how better things can be and to newer possibilities. I understood my strengths again. I touched that part of me that died long time ago. I started to follow Sadhguru and took his course and ever since I can’t tell enough how wonderful each day has been. I realised I am not the weird one. I am just me. Me.. that wants nothing but peace & positivity. And anyone not offering that or not possessing that became nothing and no one to me. I still live each day like that. Every day is new, it brings newness every second. This second is new than the previous one. And the next will be newer with more to offer. Stop staying in the past, because that moment is actually over. Today is a gift and that is why it is called present (Quoted in movie Kung fu Panda).
Be you. Be unapologetically you. Smile if you want to. Don’t if you don’t want to. Your actions are your responsibility no theirs. You do the best you can and you’ll get only better than before. Don’t let anyone, anyone ever define you, your nature or your character. Because, truly it is just one if their shortcomings. Listen to the sound of your mind, your heart and it’ll be your best guide ever.
And I bet you don’t want a neurological problem come your way to open your eyes to living in the moment with yourself. Be the child you were and you’ll attract your tribe. Don’t wait for their approval because it is irrelevant. Just be happy & love with all your heart. By being you and accepting yourself you will only be able to love better. And isn’t love what truly matters in the end?
What does a pair of purani jeans (old jeans) remind you of? Let me guess what the first feeling would be.
How thin I was and look at me now or Damn, can I ever fit into this pair of jeans again? Think about the second question here. Can I ever fit into this jeans? I’d say, “yes, you can fit”. Here is how I fitted.
It brought back all the memories from the time that my physical self fitted into my Purani jeans. Ultimately I felt like I still fit in it. Thats the power of memories. The power of thoughts from the time I fitted into it. When I look at a pair my old denims I think of all the times from my college days & beyond. My closest friends from college, to the times I’ve spent with them and above all it brings back the memories we created.
The sweetest thing of all times is the fact that how we never had to try hard to be there with each other and most of all for each other. I remember my parents saying once or twice that, darling you just come home to eat and sleep and at times not even that and you’re always with your friends. No guessing, even their parents said the same! we had most sleepovers at my house and not just because i had a room to myself and super cool parents but also because my dad kept his whiskey stock in one of the cupboards in that room! which actually was my brothers room and it had a bigger bed. Their parents had concerns like these too but hey, they just knew that we are with each other in either of the houses. They had nothing to worry about ever. Whenever we wanted to have a change of food we would just go to other friends house for that day & eat, chill, repeat. and trust me most Indian mother’s are fantastic cooks!
I qualified as the innocent looking, yes off course, I looked that way and I was pretty innocent too. Hehehe. It was not just an ostensible truth but the light in my brain would sparkle late!
One of the best part about us was that our birthdays were just a few days apart and we all belong to the same zodiac sign or same month. So we could give big birthday parties since college and needless to say we got to attend some big ones too! College days were undoubtedly the most amazing days. We had all the freedom, a theatre that showed all latest movies 5 minutes away from college & some of the best fast food joints! And if this wasn’t enough then we’d go to neighbouring college and waste our day thoroughly. Ultimately realising how cool our college is as compared to theirs. And the basic idea was to go hang out and know who is dating whom and why!
I don’t think that there ever was a day in our lives where we did not tell each other what we’re doing, or thinking, without missing out little details. Coming home after college was quiet a bummer at that time, because we had to wait for whole 14 hours until we met again. What mattered was what was happening at that moment in our lives and not what we were going to do next. I think living in the moment made it worth it, it gave us the power to just be. For sure I know that none of us are like that anymore. We worry a lot more than living in the moment. But when we are together, Oh good lord, THAT IS IT! We go back to being Sim-Nam-Chatz from early 2000’s. Yeah, thats the initial of our names.
AT 2AM. AFTER OUR BIRTHDAY PARTY!
What I truly love about each one of them is that how different they actually from me and from one another. My bestie is a total opposite of me. Nam is one of the most caring humans ever. Chatz I don’t why is so level headed. I am an extremist (they see me as passionate & bold). I wonder whats that thing, that connects us all. I think its our value system. We are totally different from each other in ways but the core is solid and thats what matters. I remember the time from college where I would participate in a lot of cultural events and shows and the girls would be right next to me till I went on stage and cheer for me the loudest from the first row. Today they have grown up to be such supportive and wonderful women and I am so proud of them for being so courageous and independent. My bestie AB, even made me narrate my speech to her like a 100 times before I went on the stage and introduced myself as a contestant from Miss Mumbai Pageant 1998. She made sure I had enough water through out and not a sip more because she was more sure than I, that the next step would be.. I want to go use the toilet! Haha! She kept away unnecessary people from entering my life. And today I look at her fantastic interviews in magazines motivating other women to work & believe in their dreams.
While nothing can bring back those times again for real, but trust me just looking at my good old pair of jeans is truly like living that time of my life again!
From hanging out at cafe’s to different colleges, Sea side, drinking beer at odd times and actually living in each others houses, studying together (honestly, that never happened), making new friends and introducing them to each other and making a bigger circle of friends, and living in that moment was what we truly did.
The next time you see an old pair of jeans or something that brings back memories from the time, think of this, and smile away to glory! For I truly think that it is priceless to have such friends, and have so many precious memories together. I wish that we all look at our Purani jeans with similar or your kind if love.
How often in our busy lives we feel responsible towards society? it is more easy to crib or point out negative aspects of the society we live in without realising in how many ways or how many times have we contributed towards building a better society. One such time in my life is when I took the responsibility to vote. For the first time. I am generally not too much of a cribber because I carry the awareness of knowing that I haven’t been an active participant in making my surrounding a better one.
But the one thing that I complain about the most is civic sense. And it often concludes in how unaware most people are about what they’re doing and how they’re being. By watching latest marvel production or any other Hollywood film and by listening to international music doesn’t really make us “international”. And I say international is because most countries like the United States, Britain, Singapore, Australia, New Zealand and many more have most citizens who carry a lot of civic sense, but that’s another issue completely.
So, one thing I have been focusing on is being responsible for my actions, basically for everything that comes from me or is about me. so I decided to complain less and do more. And as the great ones have said, “Neki Kar, kue mein daal”, which means do good and put it in well. But since my generation has a logical way of thinking I feel we should do something first and then talk about the negative aspects.
Every year during election time I saw my parents, Grandparents, other family members get ready and go to cast their vote for the party that promised to make my country a better one or what they believed was working on giving us a better future. Off course based on past results and performance of the political party they voted. In my teenage a lot of my friends started to vote. Then came social media age where they would put a picture of their inked finger to show millions that they voted. And sitting and looking at those posts did get a feeling in me that I should go vote too and I can also put up a picture there and be a part of this “inked finger revolution”. It was still easy to look at it on my cellphone or laptop and forget about it a moment later. Problem was, when I met these friends who voted and hung out with me for hours, off course with their inked fingers, that made me feel left out. And how I wished if they could leave this finger at home and come so we would all look same. Fact was that we were all the same, but honestly I wasn’t one of them. Because they exercised their right to cast a vote. Which made them 100% more responsible in this aspect than me. Which also gave them inked finger!
Casting a vote is our right and we must exercise our right. Also let me tell you that it is the most coolest thing to do! It gets a sense of awareness of how political parties are contributing towards making our society a better one. How they’re acting upon correcting things and promising a better world to us. And believe me the one thing I don’t want to see personally is a dying farmer out of poverty or by committing sucide. because I come from a family of farmers & we still own large land in our native place & we grow pulses and vegetables. My father never did any of it but his father did it for sure. So you see the connection of coming from a background where we are a little something that contributes in growing wheat, rice & pulses.
Coming back to my city where I was born and grew up I have seen the transition of seeing less motor vehicles on roads to now every person owning a motor vehicle. Thanks to 100,000 Inr car, now every person has a vehicle! In comparison, i wonder if people ever thought of planting a single sapling in their entire life. Who bothers to make a deliberate effort to make the city green? Any way, this also makes me from the complaining generation.
In past 5 years I have seen some visible changes in the mindset of majority of the population in my country. I find them flamboyant, expressive and off course we are from the Twitter generation. Past 5 years have been great for my country growing digitally. Past 5 years we have seen a clear vision that has been set for the betterment of my nation. And that again makes me from the “transition age”. There is a long way to go. Off course I fear that by the time we reach there the rest of the world would have gone far ahead. But that doesn’t really take the focus away from our goal. If possible we can get that too while growing together as a nation.
I urge and request each and every one to please make a voters card. To please go and vote for the political party you think, in your opinion is doing good for the nation and is going to give your country a better tomorrow. Because we deserve it. We are one of the smartest generations and lets use it to the optimum.
Also, you get an inked finger and will no longer hide your face or feel little about yourself to not be responsible enough to go and cast your vote.
In my country India, making a voters card today is the most easiest thing to do. As easy as going to e-com shopping website, selection and item, checking for all parameters like size colour etc, putting the item in basket, checkout, pay and viola!
Simyrights 