I remember when I was a little girl my parents and specially my brother took extra care of me. They looked out for me a lot and loved me for me. The love was more than mutual could ever be. I looked up to each one of them for they were humble, precise, non-judgemental, loving and had a lot of acceptance for everything. I was bold, always gave them shocks, honest, curious, and comfortable in my skin as far as I remember. 

Me and my brother were raised with equality, discipline and lot of love. However, i turned out to being me a lot more. As i mentioned before that being judgmental was never on our minds. My dad said it brings limitations to the vast existence of being. I would ask a lot of questions, sometimes never be interested in what everyone else was doing, and that was fine with them. I was emotional, rarely nervous & spoke my mind on every occasion. Which is why I had a personality that was daring and loved new things. I put things in the past really fast & moved on. This was also house rule, that focus on today and work on a better tomorrow. A tomorrow I thought in my mind would be new anyways and it might bring better things itself. So I pretty much lived in today. To the point that I sometimes did not do my Math homework thinking that lets live today & lets math after this moment. A moment of pure procrastination. I mean it was Math, not drawing.

As I hit my teens I became more curious about what the world looks like, why are there so many countries, why are we so different geographically. If there is only one world then why so many differences? I asked these questions and often got a patient reply & I was often diverted to thinking about the current situation. When my brother was keen on keeping a pet dog at home, we were told that it comes with a lot of responsibilities. Res-ponsi-bility, thats what I knew of that word! However my brother took me through all the discussions he had with our parents and made me understand how we had to do what we had to do if we have a dog in the house. And that made full sense in my tiny head. I was still busy being me, fluttering like a butterfly, growing up each day and making new hairstyles, trying out new lipsticks from my mothers collection & behaving like a total weirdo. A protected girl who grew up with her brother playing in the sand like him and dirtying clothes in the park while being her and sitting on swings in pink and white clothes.

As I went to college their protection towards me increased. They were now seriously looking forward that I updated them with what’s going on in my life, in college and what have I been up to. We often had these discussions at home ever since i can remember. Mom & dad had discussions that I always heard while pretending that I am busy looking out of the window and I liked the way they spoke about things minus my mom getting angry sometimes. But that was her, she was ambitious, hardworking & a good business woman. I took instructions well in the class but did what I wanted to do. I made many friends and always loved different point of views. For me it was colourful to have friends around with their point of view & I loved doing things differently.

When college got over, we all started to work and do serious things in life that were totally unplanned for each one of us and I was still curious to know what happened if I didn’t do what everyone else was doing. I became a model in commercial ad films and ruled the print media briefly. I enjoyed my stint at modelling very much. I still do. However, the only thing that I didn’t know to do was how to please someone falsely. I later realised that it is so important to please people if want to be in good books of some distorted minds where gaps are filled with ego and pride.

I was in pain at this point and often thought that maybe I was wrong all this while. Maybe there are shortcomings in me. I should be more pleasing, and should agree to most of the things even if it was against my values. Honestly I never agreed to what was against my value system. I was classified into various categories like how a piece of plastic is graded according to the nature it possesses. I sulked and became the victim of my own misery. I was suffering on and off. But when reunited with my family & my friends I would be fine. I was told that I have become a criticiser, a non-joyful person and that I am not the same crazy me. I never understood that because I thought that everyone grows after suffering from problems and situations.

I took yoga as way of life and I totally fell for it from day one. Yoga came to me and I did not go after it. I participated in a competition at my gym and won a year free yoga class package. I was over the moon. Sports was my thing and I was an athlete in school & runner there after. I later studied yoga philosophy and I was attracted to its way of living.

After years of misery and suffering i realised the kind of damage it had done to my mind. In February’2019 I fell sick and was diagnosed with a viral of the brain. I was in pretty bad shape. I was told not to workout, no walks, no running, no swimming, no life basically. One day my physiotherapist sent me a text asking how I was doing with my injury. She helps me become better at what I do. I booked a visit with her and I just wanted to meet her and tell her that how I wasn’t doing anything at all because of the problem and how unstable & giddy I feel all the time. She heard me out and suggested I try a session of Access bars with her and see how it makes me feel. That was the best decision I took because after she ran my bars I was my 2.0 upgrade version.

I decided that how I don’t want to focus on pessimism and look forward to each moment with zeal & acceptance. I communicated to the universe so much and saw quick manifestations and I still am blown away every second. I am grateful to her to open a door for me, which was in me & had so much to offer. My entire focus in life shifted to what is, how better things can be and to newer possibilities. I understood my strengths again. I touched that part of me that died long time ago. I started to follow Sadhguru and took his course and ever since I can’t tell enough how wonderful each day has been. I realised I am not the weird one. I am just me. Me.. that wants nothing but peace & positivity. And anyone not offering that or not possessing that became nothing and no one to me. I still live each day like that. Every day is new, it brings newness every second. This second is new than the previous one. And the next will be newer with more to offer. Stop staying in the past, because that moment is actually over. Today is a gift and that is why it is called present (Quoted in movie Kung fu Panda).

Be you. Be unapologetically you. Smile if you want to. Don’t if you don’t want to. Your actions are your responsibility no theirs. You do the best you can and you’ll get only better than before. Don’t let anyone, anyone ever define you, your nature or your character. Because, truly it is just one if their shortcomings. Listen to the sound of your mind, your heart and it’ll be your best guide ever.

And I bet you don’t want a neurological problem come your way to open your eyes to living in the moment with yourself. Be the child you were and you’ll attract your tribe. Don’t wait for their approval because it is irrelevant. Just be happy & love with all your heart. By being you and accepting yourself you will only be able to love better. And isn’t love what truly matters in the end?